A strange twist of fate.

Today a year ago my world got tuned upside down from what was to follow a series of events. On today the anniversary of the date I got a call from my former work place, asking me to come back and help them find some documents that are lost.

So many things are racing through my mind as well as some major anxiety. It took me a good amount of months to recover from the hurt, stress, anxiety from that place and now today the weight got put back on my shoulders.

To me, this tells me that the person you hired in place of me isn’t doing a good job and that you have to call me back and say “help, we can’t do this with out you” shows me that maybe you laid off the wrong person.

Valkyrie is 3!

You are such a bright little girl. I’m not just saying that because I’m your mother and I love you I’m saying that because it is true. At the age of almost 3 you have the mental capability of a 5 year old. a few weeks ago you saw (with your hawk eyes) a dragonfly on the ground and you knew instantly what it was.

You can articulate what you want to say and with the diction of a young lady. I still have to translate a little for the grandparents on the phone but I know what you are saying.

You are a very sensitive girl, not only to other but to what happens to you. You can sense when someone is upset and you do your best to help them but at the some time you can show others when you have been hurt. You comfort me while I’m sad and say things like “Mommy are you sad, do you want to play with my playdough or do pigtails?”

Your physical ability is amazing. You can climb, jump, dance, spin, balance, slide, swim, run and hop. There isn’t a structure at the play ground you have not mastered. You are fearless, I hope you never lose that, don’t fear anything. Stay brave and strong Valkyire.

There are times when you can lose focus and spend a total of 10 seconds on one task before you want to move to the next one. And there are times when you like to repeat something over and over again even when you know the answer like “Where are we going?”

You have a memory like an elephant, you never forget something and you hold us to our word. You have made me a more honest person, not only because it is the right thing to do but because I can’t sneak anything by you.

My soul was missing the challenge that your soul brings me.

You make me laugh every day.

You have taught me to slow down, remain in control of the only thing in life that I can control, my emotions. You have taught me that with great kids come great responsibility.

That motherhood is not for the weak of heart. That that anyone can have kids but that to do it right is a lot of work, and I mean a lot of work.

There is not a thing about you that I would change. You complete me, but I will not be lost in the identity of a mother, I am me and you are you, two separate being living together but not the same identity.

I love you and Happy 3^rd birthday!

And Mom, I’ll get my payback if she is anything like me. J

Halloween Photos

Valkyrie as a Dancer

Skyler as a Pumpkin

Jeff as a dork. :)

Mommy and the girls before we headed out to trick or treat

And after 45 min in line, time for her face painting.

The girls running around the party.

Mommy's Little pumpkin

Checking out her stash of candy after a night of trick or treating.

The girls made out like robbers, they got fully candy bars and juice boxes!

Full Fall Fun Day!

Today was officially the best day of my life. No not my wedding day or the birthdays of my children but today. A common day with no big major event other than a day packed full of fun with the whole family. It was a beautiful, cool, dry fall day.

Started it with making and sharing French Toast, then on to 4 rides on the Salem Carousel and Skyler's first time ever. She didn't like the first ride but was well adjusted by the last ride. Then on to exert tons of energy on the playground. Home to eat a good healthy lunch and down for a much needed nap.

When everyone was awake back out we went to a free local pumpkin patch full of people and activities such as slides, hay maze, hay rides, pit of corn, hay tower, tractors and of course pumpkins. We each picked our pumpkins and rolled them away. To end it with pumpkins milkshakes from Burgerville. OH yum. it was like Thanksgiving in a cup (the pumpkin pie that is)

The girls were amazing and Valkyrie didn't have one accident in her pants. She wore her big girl panties all day (the same pair!)

What a fun day and we were all together. I feel so blessed.

If there was a day I could re-live one more time, today would be it.

My movie star (in her new glasses)

The first ride of the day (no really we were the first ones on...what can I say we get up early)

Daddy and his girls

coaching Skyler along

"PS, I love you"

This blur is Valkyrie coming down the side on her belly as she shoots past the hay.

The corn pit

Valkyrie on top of the hay tower. What a view

Theres mom down below "Hi mom."

Running through the hay maze, she was in and out in less than 3 min!

Her new tractor

Skyler's turn

What can I say, too cute.

"mama can I have this one?"

Full Fall Fun Day

Happy Birthday Huey!

Well we are celebrating a birthday in the Knapp house today…..Our four legged kid Huey. He is still as happy as always (except when mom is in the kitchen cooking and the smoke alarm goes off and hurts his ears. ;)

He is still very much a puppy. Always happy and energetic.

The girls are doing great. Skyler is still crawling and not too into walking yet, which part of me is fine with so I don’t have 2 to chase but part of me wants her to walk, because is so cute when kids are learning to walk. But she is a fast crawler and she stands. She is getting more into exploring and will examine things and be complete content playing alone (sometimes she prefers t then squabbling with her sister over toys) She is a great eater, wants to eat everything we do, just like her sister she lovers her veggies and the occasional cookie. She is a happy baby and still loves to be held. She is still my monkey. She is learning a few signs and words. She knows where her belly is and head and will point to them when you ask. She ties to say words like “teeth, belly, huey, more and eat” She says “dad and mom” really well and she still squeaks when she wants something. Much like her sister she loves to be naked and doesn’t like when I get her dressed in the morning, like “hey mom I like looking at my belly, don’t put that shirt on me!” Overall she is doing great.

Valkyrie is amazing. I can’t believe sometimes how smart and aware she is. Just today we were watching a show on bugs (beetles to be specific) and they showed a lady bug and I said “look a lady bug” and she said “no mama it is a beetle.” She is so active and wants to be a big helper, a few days ago she helped me pick berries and make a pie. She speaks so well and will tell us stores and all about her day and even what she wants to do on the weekends. I love her imagination; she will make up stories with her toys and sing songs that she makes up. I love how she is so creative and imaginative. She likes to be naked as well and when we get her undressed in the morning and evening she will run through the house screaming “ I naked baby, do the naked baby dance.” At that point she dances and spanks her own butt, it is adorable. Her and I sometime have power struggles but we are doing better and leaning ways to work with each other.

She is very loving to her sister and when she hears Skyler cry from another room she will say “that’s my sister, I need to check on her” So sweet! And the big news is the toilet. She is using it more and more and most importantly she is going poop. Awesome! She finds it fun and has been going the last few days, she will even stop playing to go use it (that is huge for a kid to do)

Jeff and I are doing good. Working on the business, working on website design. If you haven’t found us on facebook, check us out Natralee.

Hope all is well, just a little update form the Knapps! (pictures will follow, camera battery is dead)

Leap of faith

Reading my Mother magazine getting inspired. Wishful thinking of what I want to become and how great my business will be. Meeting new people and collecting from the energy that they want this business too. I feel the inspiration pumping through my veins, feeling like I need to jump, act now!

Part of me has been taking steps to make sure that the cliff is a reasonable jump, that maybe I could make it with one big step and my feet could stay on the ground, but great things happen when we leap across the divide and let faith take over. I think what if I jump and it is too far or I slip, or there is not a safety net beneath me, or what if I jump and the ground on the other side is too soft. But it comes down to just doing it, making the decision and then going for it! It is time for me to make that leap, to close my eyes , have faith and jump, so here I go..............

Skyler is a YEAR!

I can’t believe it has been a year, well yes I can. A year ago Skyler was born and I’m sure like most mothers I’ll be telling her the birth story every year that follows. She continues to develop daily. She is just being to stand for longer periods of time and will walk along with me as I hold her hands. She will pull herself up between my legs and hide in me pants and stand. She is not walking along yet, which is fine, one less person to chase around. I’m enjoying the last few months of her limited mobility while I can. She loves to eat, she is not picky at all. We were camping with the grandparents this past weekend and she got 3 cup cakes. I know…..but so awesome to watch her eat them and she had at blast, I’ll post pictures of them soon. She is still my little monkey and still very much a mommy’s girl. She is getting better and holder her ground when her sister comes around. I’m sure it wont be long before I hear them both yelling “But mom SHE took my……”. She has also become a little jabber monkey, she just talks and talks (baby talk) and she has the sweeties voice! She is nursing a lot less, which part of me loves and part of me is sad for. It is a time in my life that I have very much enjoyed, I have provided food, and comfort for my child and she is begin to let me know that she needs to branch out, she will always need her mom, just in different ways.

It has been an interesting year for me. It was one of the hardest in my adult life. I faced a lot of personal growth, weakness, development and strength. It started off with trying to get a handle on caring for 2 kids and what that meant. Still to this day I wake up and fear strikes my heart for a brief moment. (any mother of 2 who had their kids less than 2 years a part knows what I mean) I love my girls and wouldn’t change their ages, but it was and has been a lot for me to handle at times. I’m doing the best I can do given my personality and my limits. I know when I need to dive in, ask for a life raft and when to get out of the pool. The girls have been the biggest adventure I have had yet, and they teach me so much every day. Then after returning from maternity leave I was faced with a lay off 10 days before Christmas. My world shattered. Everything I thought I knew I was, was being taken away. This can’t happen to me, I’m safe, I’m doing what I want to do with my life. But as well all have become to know, sometimes life has other plans. It turned out okay and I was blessed enough to find another job. It has been fun, but it has brought to light some new prospects and has pointed me in the way of making my own dreams come true and starting making the best of MY life.

There was a lot of LIFE in between these 12 months, I starting blogging, stop journaling, stopped driving and started riding and much more life between and sometimes the times have been good, some really good and some……not so good, even bad. But I’m here doing my best and that’s all anyone can hope for.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKYLER, I love you!

New commute

Well I survived my new commute. I now ride my bike the total 3 miles to my work, with a stop to daycare in between. I have the girls in the bike trailer behind me as I ride along. It was awesome!

It was hot today 98 and the uphill was a killer but I could hear Valkyrie in the back yelling "Good job mommy!"

Skyler meets the family

So this past weekend Skyler got to meet the rest of my family. She got to meet her cousin Phoenix, what a cutie he is and she got to meet her great grandparents and aunts and uncles. I know it seems like we may hort skyler away but really we don't, it is just a big deal for us to travel with 2 small kids, even harder when one comes down with a 102 fever for a week.

We enjoyed seeing all of you at Tiffany's beautiful wedding and Skyler loved meeting ALL of you!

Sorry I forgot to mention it in the update, i had the ........after the airplane ride to remind me to write about the trip to meet the family but we got home late Monday and then Skyler came down with a bad fever monday night. Sorry.

hope all is well, and maybe i'll get it right next time....

Skyler is 11 months, and mom is 336 months!

Skyler: is just amazing, she is doing well. She is beginning to mimic us more everyday. Like clapping, when we clap she will clap and smile, it is so dang cute. She will sometimes point to her belly and try to say Belly. We have been trying to teach her words and things. A few days ago I was finishing up on totally cute baby hat and I let her try it on and she touched her head and said “hat” (well that is what I hear) J Now when ever see sees me knitting she will touch her head and smile.

She is such a fast crawler she chases me all over the house from what ever room I’m in to the next and sometimes it’s just too much bath a forth (like when I’m cleaning) and she will sit up stick out her bottom lip and say with her eyes “mom enough, I want you! Pick me up!” and I do. Her favorite room by far is the dinning room. We have these big windows that go to the floor almost and she will pull herself up, stand against the window and look out into our back yard for awhile, She will watch the birds, Huey play, valkyrie run around naked and whatever else goes on out there. She will stand there laughing and hitting the windows as if to say “hey!” She pulls herself up on everything and loves to stand. She walks around things like the toy table and the windowsill but she doesn't walk alone yet.

She still is mommy’s girl, She holds me tight and squeezes me, at night she will curl up on my chest and sleep, don’t get me wrong she loves her dad but sometimes she just wants her mommy. Even Jeff says “What the heck, I just tried that”, yet she just wanted her mom!

She is eating from me less and eating solids more. She likes whatever we give her, fruit, veggies, crackers, rice, cereal, snickers, (just kidding, just seeing if you are still paying attention) but she eats well, she still comes to me for snack and at night but sometimes when I try to nurse she is like “not now mom, I was playing!”

She has her 5^th tooth coming in, and she is handling it very well.

She had her first ride on an airplane………….

Valkyrie: She is just a ball of never ending intense energy, she is go go go and give me a run for my money. I love her for it. I love that she keeps me so much on my toes some days I feel like I’m floating. Sometimes I call it “Hurricane Valkyrie” (yeah I know, it just sounds powerful!) She is doing well with Skyler, now that Skyler eats more solids Valkyrie want to share with her, sometimes with out Skyler asking for it, Valkyrie will just hang her things. Valkyrie tries to help everyone is every way. Like when we were getting ready to go out for the day and she said: “I’ll get Skyler.” And proceeded to try to carry her sister…….Let me help you Valkyrie. Valkyrie will say “I’m a big girl, I strong.” Then she will flex her arm muscles, it is so funny!

Valkyrie has been going potty on the toilet. Some days she comes home from daycare in the same diaper she left in. Awesome! She will go all by herself. I’ll be in the den and then hear the toilet flush and hear “mommy I pee peed!” She is even using public toilets like at parks and stores, awesome! She is also brushing her teeth more, every night she brushes her teeth she gets happy face stickers, kids just love stickers.

She likes to tell me all about her day and I love it. She is even honest like when she says “I was on time out for pinching”

One thing she really wants is to go to school, every morning we pass the elementary school and she says “I want to go to school, bring my pack pack (backpack) and learn.” Someday baby someday….

Jeff and I: We are doing great. A few weeks ago we did our civic duty of cleaning our neighborhood street with our friend Melinda.

this past month I celebrated my 5th year in state government, I almost made it to 5 years in the same job but at least i'm still in the state. The job is going great and I'm enjoying the people and the work, it will hold me over until my real passion comes to life. (my store) I have registered my business with the state and begin the early stages of all the red tape it takes to open a business. we are still a long way from "opening" but at least it is a step in the right direction. The name is Natralee. (play on words, pronounced "naturally".

Who knows what will come of it, but I know if I don't try I'll regret it, if I try and fail at least I'll know I gave it my blood, sweat and tears and just could not cut it, but if I never try then I'll never forgive my self for not trying.

Jeff I working a few extra hours a day now but the benefit is every other Friday he will be off with the girls. He is looking forward to his Fridays even more now. This week Jeff and his dad are going on a 4 day bike ride to Eastern Oregon and they are both so excited.

We are still trying to get the Chicken Ordinance pasted at city council and I hope this is the year that they listen to what the people want and they want chickens!

Well this Tuesday is my birthday and we are celebrating by a night out at the park and an ice cream cake!

I love and miss you all! Keep in touch!

The Knapps

SALE!

Hey Just thought I would let you all know we are having a baby garage sale this weekend at our house, if you know anyone with babies (girls) let them know I’ll have clothes and toys of all sorts for sale. J

A case of mommy brain.

Okay so today was one of those days where I'll blame my absentmindedness on "mommy brain".

I was so involved with my project at work and felt like I had been working on it for hours. I just keep thinking 'I need to get this done before the end of the day.' So finally I get my permit done and check the clock and it was :45, shoot I'm late. So I rushed to get dressed into my biking clothes and get my gear together and out the door I ran. *thinking to myself* 'Wow the coast starlight is running late today, anyhow...' I hauled tail to the girls day care, I was already 5 min late and I put the bike away and rush inside, exhausted "I'm here."

"your early!"

"Well I hauled here, so I think I'm just about a few min late."

"No your early or is my clock off"

(turning to look at Sandy's clock) "Well yeah it's off by maybe 2-3 min"

"No Tralee is's 4."

looking down at my watch "OMG, I left work an hour early and didn't tell anyone."

At this point we all had a laugh and I called my boss to say sorry and I'll be in tomorrow.

This is what happens when you have way to many thoughts and things going on...and it's only TUESDAY!

At least I didn't leave my kids somewhere or my purse on the roof of the car..........

I added a song.

click on the song.....I love this song!

Skyler is 10 months.

It’s that time, time for my baby update. Skyler is doing amazing. She is moving, dancing, crawling and even standing. Yup, she pulls herself up now to reach toys. Valkyrie isn’t too keen on sharing all her toys now that Skyler can reach them all as well. Skyler likes to stand and when we have music going she will bounce and shake. She is so happy all the time. She smiles with her 4 tooth smile and laughs. She just watches so intensely.

We have been giving her some mashed up food here and there; for the most part she likes everything. Although pooping is new to her and when she feels one come through she cries, poor baby girl. My parents were here last week and they just loved feeding her and watching her do the bird as they call it, when she pecks her head and flaps her arms as she eats.

She is still so loving, she just likes to be held and hugged. When I come in to pick her up from daycare she lets out a squeak and smiles for me, and then if I pick up Valkyrie first I can hear Skyler wine for me.

Skyler has more hair than Valkyrie did at this age and Skyler’s is a reddish color in the sunlight, it’s beautiful.

Skyler has these big expressive eyes, I swear she can talk to my soul. Speaking of talking Skyer now says “book” and it is so clear. It was funny we were telling Skyler “say book.” Then Valkyrie chimed in and said “Skyler say Valkyrie.”

A few nights ago Skyler was waking up in the 3-4am hour and wanting to play. She was talking and crawling over my head, she wasn’t fussy, just wanted to play. Makes for a very long day when for 2 days in a row your day starts at 4am.

Valkyrie is doing well. She is getting so big and I don’t mean just her looks, her cognitive development, I’m amazed at what she understands and knows. She likes to play with kids, I just wish I could find some good playmates her age outside of daycare.

We had a great mother’s day at Oaks Park . Valkyrie is so brave, she wanted to go on all the rides and some of them I was like “ah I don’t think so” Man, my tolerance for rides is low, I was getting scared and woozy on the kiddy rides. It was Valkyrie’s first time to an amusement park and she had fun. Teaches me so much, I look up to her for her bravery and fearless attitude and her willingness to pick herself back up and move forward. A few times she got scared but we were right beside her.

Although Grammy went on the roller coaster with us and really hurt her back. L Sorry Grammy!

The grandparents had a great time and took the girls swimming and all over. Jeff and I got to enjoy a nice morning alone, where we ate donuts in the spa and got candy at the store. (Our kids don’t let us eat candy!)

Valkyrie likes Chocolate, I don’t give it to her very often but when ever you ask her what she wants to eat she says “Chocolate”, yup she’s a girl.

She is slowly teaching me (and I’m not the most willing student) to live in the moment more. Nothing brings you into the present more than a toddler who stops every 2 feet to look at every rock and bug.

My girls are such a balance of each other. They are the ying and yang. It amazes me the natural balance that takes place with them. I’m so in love with them. It is not always easy and there are times when it is not a pretty picture but there are the really beautiful times too.

Jeff and I are doing well. And hope all is well with all of you. We love you all!

Happy Mothers Day!

When did my guest room become a nursery

When did having spit up on me become part of my everyday wardrobe

When did tender breast appear, and when do they go away

When did stepping on toys in the middle of the night be an injury I accrued daily.

When did my own mother voice and finger emerge from my body

When did I get used to the smell of baby poop

When did I sleep through the night last

When did my heart grow twice it’s size

When did I experience unconditional love for the first time

When did I want to do nothing but hold my kids all day

When did I feel more blessed with each simple day that passes

When did someone so small look up to me for everything.

When did I become a mom!

Happy Mothers day. Let us moms give thanks for the crazy moments of our everyday life, for life would be boring with out them for sure.

I love the rain but come on.....

Okay what weather god did I piss off this week? This has been the most frustrating week of riding yet.

Monday: 45mph...yes 45 MPH wind gust! (head wind)

Tuesday: hail and rain

Wednesday: pouring rain, big fat drops, dark black cloud over my whole commute.

Thursday: another dark cloud and rain the whole ride, and yeah and 25 mph wind.

Friday: Better be dang sunny or I'll scream!

thanks for letting me vent!

Mommy says...

Okay what to wear what to wear, my pink shoes, but what matches with pink shoes?

Should I straighten my hair or not today…goodness look at that flip, yes definitely straightening today.

Do you want bunny or coco cereal today? Can you share with Skyler please, thank you.

Do you want 2 or 1 pig tail today….2 ok.

No please leave your pants on, you can wear a dress tomorrow.

Jeff, can you get Skyler ready, valkyrie wants to brush her teeth.

Oh no, skyler spit up on my black skirt, dang the day I decided to wear a nice black skirt. Oh well, wipe it off.

Valkyrie put your shoes on, you don’t want to…fine we will put them on in the car, what jacket, no jacket, okay get in the car let’s go.

Skyler where did your shoe go, you took it off in the car, I’ll be right back Skylers shoe fell off.

Wow it is a nice day, maybe I should have rode my bike….

1 coffee please, WOW that’s strong…..burp, yep strong.

Break already, ok off to do my mommy business.

Where are all the moms my age? Come to think about it where are all the people my age….does anyone my age work?

Do you think they serve margaritas at 10?

It’s Friday!