I'm really trying...

I had the best intentions when I become a wife and then a mother. I really did. I had high hope and expectations (maybe that is some of the problems) not only for myself but for my new family I was forming. Looking back I wonder if I could have just slowed down, just enjoyed my time with not only myself but the relationships I was forming. If I could go back in time I think I know the point in my life where I would make a different decision, my “what if” moment. Everyone has one, and I agree it does not good to focuses on it, but I just want to acknowledge it and own it. Maybe I’ll make better decisions from this point on, how ever not every decision in your life is going to be the right one…

I never thought that I would be responsible for the mess of 3 people’s lives. I never thought I would be the cause of so much un-happiness and hurt. I really try hard to make things right and make things happen. I am trying so hard everyday. I just wish people could see it, I wish people could see what I am doing and not just what I don’t. I just want someone to say “I don’t know how you do it Tralee, you are amazing and you do so much for others and your family and still keep you sanity. Well maybe this is me saying “clear the smoke screen….I’m not keeping it together, I’m failing and more every day.”

People are so quick to point out all the things you are not doing right, how about what I am doing right? How about all the things I do, can someone just say I know it is hard but you are doing a good job, but instead people would much rather say things like “you missed a spot” well you know what, I’m doing a damn good job with all these things in my life I am juggling. Well I have to take care of me to, and so if things get pushed to the side and I fail at something I want to say it is because I’m stepping out and taking care of the person I will be with for the rest of my life……me.